You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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