having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
