just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
