We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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