so explain again why im purple
no
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
