you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
