i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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