We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
