Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
