Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
