Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
