Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
