I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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