I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
