who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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