she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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