well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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