She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
