i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
