you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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