I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
