does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
