just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
