I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
