Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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