I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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