He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm too high and old for this...
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