is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
