if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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