UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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