okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
