SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
