Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
