my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
