I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
