After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
