The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
