Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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