the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
