My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
