He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Randomize
