If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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