no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still have a little drunk in my system
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
