if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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