Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
