I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My hand turned me down
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
