We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
