dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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