dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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