His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
