you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
