did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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