NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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