Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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