you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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