Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
