Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
