Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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