There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
