She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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