Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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