i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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