i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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