I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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