Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
