he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
